All Compass, No Map

You come into this world with a built-in compass and no map.

How it should be. You should generate your own confidence. You do not need anyone’s approval or reassurance that your gut is right to break out of your shell. You are supposed to be autonomous. But that’s not the case for many.

At one point or another, we all seek approval. When we were children, we looked up to our parents and constantly needed their approval to know we were on the right path, as they were our earliest source of safety, love, and guidance. Approval signifies that we belong and are valued. It should end there, but it doesn’t. For many, whether they admit it or not, the approval of a mentor, boss, or someone you look up to — someone who replaced the parental figure — is a reality.

You come into this world with a built-in compass and no map. The problem is that you do not know whether your compass works correctly. At different stages in life, it seems to work very well, and at other stages you have doubts about whether it is truly pointing to magnetic north. Life expects you to draw a map. Like the cartographer of old, you trace that map and decipher the world. And it doesn’t matter if you want to draw it or not, because if you decide not to, life or others will make the decisions for you and therefore draw the landmarks and estuaries of your life. Perhaps when you were a child, the first landmark impressions were drawn by your parents. Good or bad, those initial baselines or principal meridians were drawn by the adults who cared for you or were supposed to.

And that’s life, because, like the early globe explorers, you rely on your observations to trace the map and on the compass to ensure you are heading in the right direction. At the best of times, you are sure that both are working correctly, and your tracing of the landscape and direction are aligned. Other times, most of the time, you are sure one is working but not too sure about the other. And at worst, you are rudderless, not sure if the compass is really pointing north, and not even sure of where you’re standing.

Sometimes, the reassurance of a third party who shares the same sentiments or gut feeling you’ve had for a long time, sometimes even years, is the “life switch” that gives you the confidence to know that your compass is working. Perhaps you’re not sure what geographical area you find yourself in, but knowing that you’re navigating toward the right direction is better than being adrift. Sometimes that third party’s interlocking view of the world gives you aspirations.

At times, I’ve berated myself, as I often do, because I waited for someone I respect or admire to miraculously let me know that my “gut” was correct — a form of tacit approval. I berate myself because, when I’m honest, I’ve always been proud of just doing my own thing, walking to the beat of my own drums; that’s just me, always against the grain. Few like this; a lot don’t. It’s easier to go along to get along, and unfortunately, that’s not me. I don’t navigate with the herd; I do navigate well with a small team of like-minded individuals, and those are so few and far between that I can count them on my hands. And even then, I am insecure about my direction at times. Sometimes years pass. Mine did — years of being stubborn about how things should be, years of hearing no. Then someone who has no stake in my success told me I was right all along, at least on these matters. That’s all it takes to come out like a bat out of hell to conquer the world.

Sometimes that’s just the way life is, vulnerable for the most independent and assured-minded. The difference is that as long as you look within, listen, and are willing to take feedback, when in doubt, someone will come along and let you know that you are alright. Then off you go, recalibrated, on a steady route into new adventures.